Genotype is one of the many things intending couples disclose to each other, and they are expected to be truthful about it, because it determines the genetic make-up of their children. Our correspondent asked some members of the public what they would do if they found out their spouse lied about their genotype
It depends on our true compatibility
In modern times, most medical information can be verified with a high degree of accuracy, and it is better if the test is done before the two parties reach a final decision on marriage. It is expedient for both persons to be truthful to each other, because lying about genotype could have a big effect on that union. For example, if you are AS and you lie that you are AA, if your partner is AS, then that is a recipe for a problem. If I get to know the truth before she’s pregnant, we would have to let go of the marriage, but if we are so lucky to have given birth to a child who is just a carrier and not fully SS, then we would have to make do with the child we have. We must all remember that bringing a sickle cell child to the world is a torment to the parents and the child.
We would have to dissolve the marriage
Nkenchor Charles
This is a very sensitive issue. I believe if she lied about it, it means she can lie about almost everything. If my wife can lie about her genotype, it means she can’t be trusted, which in turn makes her deceptive and manipulative. When a man has such an impression, then that marriage is over. Already for her to have lied meant that medically, they are not compatible, so to have done that shows how manipulative she can be. I will never trust her again. I have seen people who were dating dissolve the relationship once they are not compatible. So for me, my reaction will be to dissolve the marriage, she should have told me the truth and let me decide.
We will seek counseling and rebuild trust
Busola Oyafunke
Like almost every other person, the initial response is typically one of anger and betrayal. In some cases, one may need space, especially when the revelation threatens one’s health and the ability to be there for one’s children. Honestly, various factors can influence one’s decision at that point. Was the revelation an unsolicited confession or the other person found out, not forgetting that it could put the children from that marriage at risk. Regardless of the circumstances, it’s a total betrayal of trust, which is the cornerstone of any relationship. In the end, she is my wife, and fortunately, medical advancements have made it possible to manage or avert genotype-related issues. Seeking counsel will be essential to navigating any fallout, in addition to serious efforts towards rebuilding trust. Ultimately, the decision should be guided by love and empathy, as it easily could have been the other way around. I firmly believe that if both parties are genuinely willing to make it work, then it’s already on the path to recovery.
I won’t jeopardise my child’s safety over love
Mary Omuvi
I will not take it lightly at all because the foundation of a relationship is built on trust and understanding and such a lie can cost a lot at the end of the day. If he truly cares for me or loves me like he claims he won’t lie to me because it’s a matter of life and death. If my spouse and I are both ‘AS’, there is a very high tendency that we would have a child having ‘SS’ genotype. How do I live with such guilt knowing my child is affected because my partner chose to make a mistake. I will never forgive him. I repeat, never. Moreover, how do you feel comfortable telling lies to someone you know you want to settle down with? It’s a no-no and it kills the feeling eventually. I won’t jeopardise my child’s future and health because I love a man, so we should part ways at the early stage because it won’t be funny at the end of the day.
The relationship is over if it was deliberate
Sonia Olise
I think this is a difficult question. There are no small lies in relationships. I have learnt this over the years, and those little lies we think are not harmful, which we tell to save our relationships, are the very lies that tear them apart and rock the very foundation of the relationship. Reactions vary on how the information is passed; nonetheless, a lie of this gravity is forgivable but unredeemable. If it was a mistake made by the hospital, I could understand but if it was deliberately sold to me as a lie, the relationship is over regardless of whatever reason he gave me for telling the lie. This lie would harm not only our future but the future of our unborn children. Choosing to put them in harm’s way is unacceptable. I can forgive but it’s a no to the relationship.
I will be disappointed
Ochayi Paul
I will be disappointed at first. However, I might be able to work things out by forgiving her and going ahead with the union if the genotype doesn’t affect our compatibility.
If our compatibility is affected; for instance, if I’m AS and she lied she was AA while she is AS, I will have no choice but to discontinue the union because apparently, the foundation of our union is deceit and no genuine relationship can exist without trust.
I want to have kids, but I won’t want to have kids who will eventually go through the trauma of living with sickle cell anaemia. No! I can’t deal with the trauma, and neither will I put an innocent kid through that too. So, yes I would end the union if I found out my spouse lied to me about her genotype, taking the two scenarios above into consideration.
We will have a conversation about it, but…
Ayodele Adesina
Love, they say, is a beautiful thing. Once you are truly in love or you have found love, people can go the extra mile just to keep it, even if it means telling such lies out of anxiety. In this scenario, the most sensible thing I will do is sit my spouse down and explain to her how love can become sour if we have a child that is a sickle cell carrier. I would bring her out of love fantasy and make her see the reality, after which we would go to a recognised and reliable hospital or laboratory to get tested and have a result. Hopefully, if the result is good news to us, we would work on building burnt bridges, I mean trust and honesty, and then make each other realise we are in it together. However, if the result is otherwise, then we peacefully go our separate ways in order not to put the next generation through pain and hardship. Let’s make the world a better place.
We will end the relationship
Peace Ojochide
First off, matters bordering on genotype are not to be taken lightly. So if I find out my partner lied about his genotype I think I already know the end from the beginning, especially if we have the same genotype, say, ‘AS’. I would not immediately discard or break up with him because I like to put myself in people’s shoes. It is a known fact that people with sickle cell anaemia face some forms of discrimination and some people tend to lie about their genotype. However, it’s not an excuse for dishonesty. We would eventually end the relationship in order to avoid future problems with having kids who would also inherit these genes and cause us great pain. It’s a known fact that children born with the disease battle different difficulties, including great pain. No parent wants to lose their children, let alone go through the pain of that loss. So basically, a stitch in time saves nine.
It will affect my trust in the relationship
Linda Edebiri
Every relationship encounters challenges and addressing these challenges with empathy and understanding can either strengthen the bond or necessitate difficult decisions for both persons’ well-being. Personally, I don’t usually inquire about genotype because I am AA and considered safe. However, if I were to discover a lie in such a sensitive matter, it would deeply affect my trust in the relationship. Honesty is paramount to me; lies about something as crucial as genotype could cast doubt on my partner’s true intentions. I acknowledge the fear that could trigger such deception; the thought of losing a cherished relationship can lead one down the path of dishonesty. Nevertheless, the potential repercussions, particularly concerning the well-being of future generations, cannot be ignored. While love might soften my feelings, I doubt I could overlook such deceit if I’m not AA. The gravity of the situation transcends emotions and is at the core of trust and integrity. My tendency towards hypochondria and paranoia could create a barrier in our relationship after uncovering such dishonesty. If he’s capable of lying about genotype, what other health issues could he have concealed? I could find myself undergoing frequent tests due to the diminished trust, making it difficult to completely believe him again. Rebuilding trust will require considerable time and conviction, as the impact of this lie lingers.
I will be disappointed, but…
Ozohu Daudu
I see integrity as the foundation of every happy partnership. If my partner lied to me about his genotype, I would definitely be shocked and disappointed, because I have lived among people with genotype disorder and seen what they go through. To address this situation, open and honest communication will be essential. I would want to understand the reasons behind the deception and whether it was due to fear, insecurity, or some other motives. It’s crucial to assess whether the deception has broader implications for trust within the relationship. Also, seeking counseling or therapy might be necessary to navigate the emotional complexities. Ultimately, the decision to continue the relationship would depend on the severity of the lie, the willingness to rebuild trust and the compatibility of values and priorities between both partners. A strong relationship can withstand difficult conversations and challenges.
