Dear Vee,

 

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This is going to be a long read, but please be patient with me. I have been married for several years. My husband used to work in sales for a company with great benefits. However, the job had high targets, and he was often threatened with being fired for not meeting them.

I encouraged him to have a backup plan just in case. I sent him job links, courses to improve his skills, and even business opportunities. However, he didn’t take it seriously. He started seeing my efforts as me trying to control him and be the one in charge, so I stopped.

Eventually, he was fired. His boss was asked to recommend people for termination due to underperformance, and she included his name. My husband is the type who doesn’t tolerate nonsense, so he often confronted her, while others dealt with her more wisely. Given the chance to get rid of him, she took it. He wasn’t the only one missing targets, but he stood out because of his confrontations.

He soon got another sales job but complained about the toxic environment and his exhaustion from sales. Coincidentally, someone higher up from his former company called him about a new job opening there. He refused to go back because he didn’t want to be junior to that lady.

I tried to convince him that the new job was in a different department, and he wouldn’t have to report to her. He often complained about the pressures of sales, and this was a chance to switch fields. The new job was in a highly sought-after field, one that many international organizations value. It was an opportunity handed to him on a silver platter where he could learn and use it as a stepping stone.

My husband initially refused. By the time he decided to accept the job, it was too late; they had already given it to someone else. He kept having issues with his superiors in his current job. He insisted he couldn’t tolerate disrespect, got angry, and resigned.

He got another sales job, but soon began complaining about his team lead’s attitude. He said he was unhappy and wanted to resign again, claiming his spirit wasn’t accepting the place. I begged him not to resign, even if the salary was low, it still helped with some bills. He argued that providing as a man is important, but not the most important thing. He said what mattered most was his mental health and that he didn’t want to die from stress, leaving us with good cars and a nice house but without him.

Everyone, including his family, begged him not to resign, but he did anyway. He asked me to be patient while he tried to find a balance. I’ve been bearing the financial burden for a while now, and the recent subsidy removal isn’t helping. He keeps lamenting and asking God when our situation will improve.

When we first got married, before all these issues started, I had recurring dreams of wearing rumpled and dirty clothes in public, with people looking at me strangely. I prayed fervently about them. Lately, these dreams have become more frequent. I wonder if they are connected to our current struggles.

I don’t know what to do anymore. I’ve prayed and fasted. How can I make him listen to me? His decisions haven’t been wise, and he doesn’t want to listen because he feels I’m trying to control him. It feels like a power struggle. Are there other women who have married men like this? How did you overcome these challenges?