Dear Vee,
Good evening, ma. I hope this message finds you well. Please help me share my story, and kindly keep my identity anonymous. Here’s my situation:
I’m a 32-year-old woman, currently in a serious relationship. Recently, my boyfriend proposed to me, but I haven’t given him an answer yet. You see, there’s a big issue that’s holding me back—he doesn’t have any swag. His sense of fashion is stuck in the past, his way of speaking is outdated, and his general attitude feels old-fashioned to me. He doesn’t know how to have fun the way I do. He’s not into the social scene at all, and that’s a huge turn-off for me.
Let me clarify, though: everything else about him is great. He’s a college graduate with a good job, earning a decent salary. He lives comfortably and can afford the finer things in life. He treats me exceptionally well and always makes sure I have everything I need or want. In terms of material and emotional support, he’s perfect. But there’s this one thing I can’t seem to get past—his boring, laid-back lifestyle.
He’s way too calm and introverted for my taste. He doesn’t go to clubs or parties, nor does he attend any social events. His weekly routine is monotonous: he goes to work, comes home, and on Sundays, he goes to church. That’s it. His fashion sense is far from trendy. In contrast, I’m full of energy and love going out. I’m into guys who have swagger, who know how to have a good time, and who enjoy socializing. I thrive on excitement and noise! We’re like night and day, completely opposite in our personalities and lifestyles.
So, I’m stuck at a crossroads. Do I break up with him and look for someone who matches my energy and style, or do I accept his proposal and hope I can change him after we’re married? The thought of trying to mold him into someone he’s not worries me. Can people really change that much? Would I be unfair to him, expecting him to become more like me? And even if he tried, would he be happy? Or would I end up resenting him if he doesn’t change?
Right now, I feel like I’m trapped between two choices, both of which come with significant risks. If I leave him, I might find someone who fits my ideal, but there’s no guarantee that person would treat me as well as he does. I could end up regretting my decision if I lose a man who genuinely cares for me. On the other hand, if I stay with him, I might spend my life wishing he were different, which could lead to frustration and unhappiness for both of us.
For example, I love dressing up and going out, meeting new people, and dancing the night away. I find joy in being surrounded by friends and laughter, living life to the fullest. He, however, finds contentment in a quiet evening at home, reading a book or watching TV. Social gatherings exhaust him, while they make me happy.
When we’re together, I often feel like I’m holding back a part of myself. I want to share my world with him, but he doesn’t seem interested. I’ve tried inviting him to events, but he usually declines or comes along reluctantly, only to leave early. It’s frustrating because I want a partner who can be by my side in those moments, someone who can match my enthusiasm and zest for life.
I’ve considered the possibility that maybe I’m being too superficial. After all, isn’t the essence of a good relationship about deeper connections, like trust, respect, and mutual care? He excels in all these areas. But then again, shouldn’t I be with someone who aligns with my lifestyle and shares my interests?
I’ve also thought about the potential for change. Maybe, with some little complain from me, he could become a bit more social. But is it fair to ask him to change for me? Relationships require compromise, but there’s a fine line between compromise and losing oneself. I fear that in trying to change him, I might pressure him into being someone he’s not, which could eventually cause resentment.
Another aspect that worries me is the future. If we were to get married, how would our differences play out over time? Would we grow apart because of our contrasting lifestyles? Would I end up going out alone while he stays home, living separate lives under the same roof? Or could we find a balance that works for both of us?
I’m seeking advice on what to do. Should I leave him and search for someone who fits my idea of the perfect partner? Or should I accept his proposal and hope that our love can bridge the gap between our different worlds? Is it possible to have a fulfilling relationship despite such fundamental differences?
Thank you for reading my story. I really need guidance on this matter because I want to make the right decision for both of us.
Victoria Ibiama
